by Andrew Chekerylla
Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to good people? Because life's unfair. That's why. Nobody has the perfect life. We all have strengths and weaknesses. The most popular girls can be the most insecure and at the most risk. The nicest guys can be at risk of continuously getting rejected by people unwilling to be nice in return. The smartest kid can be socially awkward and consequently, secretly sad or depressed, as social acceptance is amazingly important to us teenagers.
Stuttering further complicates the matter. People can be smart, cute, big, tall, black, white, whatever. Each of these characteristics brings pride as well as insecurities and fear. When stuttering is introduced, their whole life can be turned upside down. In addition to their current resume, they now have to deal with a handicap which daunts their every move.
Those who are born or grow up with stuttering are affected because they have to compensate at all times, and when they realize their friends, their teachers, their world are not set to be 100% compatible to their needs, they can get upset. I imagine that those whose stuttering develops a little later have the greatest shock, as they would probably have a hard time dealing with it.
As you might have guessed, I'm pretty young, only 15. I've stuttered since as far as I can remember. My therapists guess that when I was just a few years old and I was talking really quickly, my parents did what they thought best, and corrected my speed, saying "slow down." I guess that made me feel like I had to control my speech more, and I think that that over intensity is supposed to have been the start. But I forgive them, naturally, as they were doing the best they could.
I've had to cope with stuttering all throughout school. On top of normal teen persecution, I had to deal with my stuttering. It affected my schoolwork and my psyche a lot more than it probably should have.
When I went into sixth grade, I parted with my friends of five years and went to a different school. I had all new kids all new teachers, nothing was familiar. Added to that, it was the first year of middle school, and with my stuttering, you can imagine what a bad year I had.
I was able to switch schools back to my old friends in seventh grade, and got introduced into a pre-existing circle of friends, and I had a great time. Eighth grade was my favorite year, with everyone comfortable with my stuttering. I was having a great time with friends and was even going out with someone at the time. I hardly stuttered and it was almost a nonissue.
In high school, once again I had to leave my friends and switch to another school, only this time I had to go back with the sixth grade crowd. Many of them remembered me. It was a strange year. I still missed my old friends and was uncomfortable with the new ones, and only became real friends with a few of them. was able to survive that year because I was going out with a friend from seventh and eighth grade, and we've been going out ever since.
I changed schools once again to be with my friends (including her of course) and am feeling very confident about this year. I know most of the kids, and it will be so much more familiar, and I will finally get to be with her day-to-day. Having someone there for you is amazingly supportive.
Keeping things inside is not the answer. Feeling alone or depressed has become a regular cycle for me, but when I could share what I felt with a close friend, I felt a whole lot better. Stuttering hits you hard inside. It's like a cheap shot that you can't recover from. It's not in the rules. We're not supposed to be like this, but we have to live with it.
I've only met two people with speech impediments in my life prior to joining the NSA, though only one of those really stuttered. It was amazing that when I commented to someone that we stuttered, they gave a puzzled look and apparently didn't realize that we stuttered. It's so great when someone can be so used to you that they don't notice stuff like that.
I've been able to survive the last five years through steady support from friends. Sometimes just being able to talk to someone directly is great for letting out things that were bottled up, while just spending time with friends. And having mindless fun is best as you feel comfortable and relaxed.
But the biggest support has come from having a one-on-one relationship with someone, and they make you feel welcome to talk about anything or nothing at all. Friends are amazingly helpful.
Stuttering has always been the axis of my life, and without it I have no clue what I would be like. It made me hard and withdrawn at first, but recently I have overcome that more and am beginning to go out and just be me! I love the thrill of talking to someone because it's yet another victory for me because I can overcome this thing, and accepting it is my ongoing goal.
Andrew is 15 and lives in Issaquah, Washington |
